


Behind Closed Doors

by TheBlackLagoon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Season 11, first fic I ever wrote, reposted from fanfiction.net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29258364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackLagoon/pseuds/TheBlackLagoon
Summary: Castiel finally gets to see what exactly Deans been hinding about what the Mark did to him. Slight AU, after ep. 3 "The Bad Seed"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 5





	Behind Closed Doors

**Author's Note:**

> Thought it was about time I reposted my old fanfiction.net pieces here. I was just a child when I wrote them, trying to capture meaningful stories about thirty year old men with communication issues. Ah, fond memories😌 I also didn’t change anything I wrote so this is purely 14 year old me, make of that what you will.

Dean stands, head resting on the door frame to his bedroom when he hears the shuffle of feet behind him. He doesn't have to open his eyes to know who it is.

"What's up Cas?" He clears his throat, and glances up with a sigh, dragging a hand down his face. Cas stands for a moment, keeping his distance, averting eye contact. All unusual behavior for the Angel.

"Hey, buddy you in there?" Dean asks, waving his hand half heartedly.

"I-" Cas pauses to look him in the eye, and Dean fights the urge to look at the perfectly interesting all beside him. Cas moves forward a bit, raising an arm, then stops, as if thinking just this once, physical contact was not wise.

"It wasn't your fault," Cas says it like a fact, and Dean can't help but look away, jaw clenching, because-no.

"Yeah, well, I hate to disagree with you Cas, but I think beating you senseless is my fault," he says this with a sharp humorless chuckle, and Dean tries to ignore the way Cas flinches as he does.

"Dean-" Cas starts, but he gets cut off with a hand wave. Their silent for a moment, neither looking or moving, or doing anything that should be done.

"Do you blame me-" pause "for all the times I've hurt you?" Dean opens his mouth about to spout off a hundred different reasons why of course he doesn'tblame him, when he see's what Cas is getting at.

"Those were different and you know it...you were...that first time I was being a dick, about to give up everything we had been working for...and you know Naomi was a bitch...and, and a fucking witch Cas! Not your fault, none of them."

"Then why can't you see being under the influence of the Mark wasn't your fault either," Cas growls, taking a defiant step forward, blue eyes burning. "Why do you constantly feel like you can't be forgiven. You have more love and mercy in your heart then any human I have ever encountered Dean Winchester. Why can't you let me forgive you-" And that's when Dean breaks, looking up at Cas in blind fury.

"Because I can't forgive myself! I can't Cas. I was soclose to ending your life. I was- I was going to. I wantedto end it! Because I was so Goddamn angry! I was furious! I was-" he turns back toward his bedroom, running a hand through his hair, praying to God Sam would walk down the hall right now. He pauses for a moment longer, opening his eyes to then continue on shakily.

"I was so angry with you for- for always choosing me. In some sick, twisted way I wanted-" pause for breath. "I wanted to make you see that- your such a fucking idiot for giving up everything, I wanted to make you regret it. And I- I still feel that anger Cas, and every time I do I want to break something, or throw up, because God knows you don't deserve that," Cas opens his mouth to say something, the closes it just as quickly, and Dean is hoping, hoping it wasn't out of fear.

"Because you deserve so much more Cas, and that makes me angry too-" and now dean is gripping the lapels of Cas stupid beige trench coat, shaking him, " I haven't done shit for you Cas! I turned you away when you were human, I've lied, betrayed, beaten you! And I guess, I guess-"

And then their kissing, and Dean's not sure who moved first, but he doesn't particularly care at the moment because, Jesus, Cas must have learned a lot from the Pizza man, that or he's been getting practice, and that thought just makes Dean kiss him harder, for sake of lost time. And when they finally break apart, Dean doesn't have anything to say, and he probably should, should be indignant, confused, angry. But fuck that, he's been all those things for to long, and Cas is looking at him, with his crazy sex hair, and startling blue eyes. So he could give two shits about about being indignant as he kicks open the door behind him and drags Cas along with him.


End file.
